Nick Houpt: 0:02

Welcome back to the Life Well Balanced Podcast. Today I'm sitting down with Bob Wiltfong, a former TV news anchor, turned daily show correspondent, public speaking coach, TEDx speaker, and author of the BS Dictionary. From the bright lights of national television to navigating personal reinvention, Bob brings a one-of-a-kind blend of humor, honesty, and heart. In this episode, we dive into what it means to redefine success, show up as a present parent, and laugh at life, even when it hurts. Here's what we cover in today's episode how chasing approval shaped Bob's comedy career, and what helped him finally let it go. What the daily show taught him about storytelling, pressure, and the power of editing, and how Business Speak became the inspiration for his hilarious, insightful book, The BS Dictionary. If you've ever felt like you had to start over, wear too many hats, or fake confidence while figuring it all out, this conversation is for you. So take a breath, open your heart, and settle in. This is the Life Well Balanced Podcast with Bob Wiltfong and me, your host, Nick Halp. This is the Life Well Balanced Podcast with me, your host, Nick Halp.

Speaker 2: 1:25

A life well balanced for me.

Nick Houpt: 1:27

For me, a life well balanced is simply life well balanced is you think a life well balanced is Bob Wiltfong. Nick Hop. What's going on? It is good to see you, man. Yeah, good to see you. I am super excited to have you here. I think you're gonna have a very good time. It's we have a celebrity in our presence. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. You? All right. Well, tell my kids, man. That's all I consider about. Tell my kids. But I want to start, we start every episode. I want to acknowledge you. You and I haven't known each other for too long. Yeah. But we we have met probably all together. We have spent three hours probably around. Probably. Yeah. And I I want to start by acknowledging you for who you are without blowing smoke up your ass. Okay. That's a good deal. I like to start conversations. I uh I appreciate one, you are a phenomenal speaker. Oh, thanks. I watched your your TEDx and everything, and and I like that you bring what I've noticed every time we've we've gotten together, you bring seriousness about life with a goofy attitude involved. So you don't take it too seriously, but serious enough. So I want to appreciate you for that. Oh, thanks. And the last thing is basically I want to appreciate and acknowledge you for allowing us to buy Christmas presents for our kids with all the photos that you purchase from my wife. Yeah, yeah. Anytime.

Bob Wiltfong: 2:56

We're happy to do it. Your wife's awesome.

Nick Houpt: 2:58

So yeah, it's our pleasure. I appreciate that. Yeah. And it was so funny. I was talking to Olivia after we we came by your house to do the photo shoot this year, and I was like, I have never seen an island that big in my entire thing.

Bob Wiltfong: 3:13

Neither have I. Before I moved into the house, I don't know why islands are that big. Honestly, it's it's like a trend right now in housing. I don't understand it. You cannot get to the middle of the island. Like, how do you reach anything? You've got to like lay on it to get to the middle.

Nick Houpt: 3:28

I'm like, man, I don't I don't know. Is there a is there a wine bar in the middle of that?

Bob Wiltfong: 3:33

There's nothing except just to say to people, look at this island, it's so big.

Nick Houpt: 3:38

That's awesome. Yeah. But I appreciate you coming here. So I'm looking forward to having some fun with you. So we start with a very big question. Okay. And what it is is to break the ice. I'm going to see if you notice how many BS Oh, okay. Break the ice. Words. Okay, sure, sure. I like that. During the soul thing. Okay. And and I want to talk about your book and everything too, because I think it's great. It's funny. Your your TEDx talk is really good. Thank you. And and I like the message that you're bringing. So what we start with is called Who, What, and Why. Okay. And it is who has inspired you throughout your life to bring you to who you are today? What experiences have you had that molded you into the guy sitting right here? And why do you do what you do?

Bob Wiltfong: 4:30

Okay. Yeah. Who? I mean, I my mind goes towards like well-known figures like MLK and Morrissey. I'm a big Smith fan. So some of his lyrics really resonated with me. Like one of them is uh that still resonates with me. I think it's a brilliant line, which is it takes it takes strength to be gentle and kind. Which you know, it's easy to laugh, it's so easy to hate, it takes strength to be gentle and kind. That's a Morrissey Smith lyric that speaks to me. As far as who and then I go to the next level, like people in my life that have really inspired me. Um gosh, there's so many people that write that are key figures in your life. I think of people that gave me chances that have changed my life that are I'm forever grateful for. So I guess that would be my inspiring. So like Pat Dolan was a news director in L in New Swell, Long Island. He's with the Dolan family that owns like the Knicks and Madison Square Garden. They own a lot of things, they're very wealthy. But he was a very down-to-earth news director, he liked news, and he was a news director at a 24-hour local news channel, Long Island, New York, and plucked me out of Wichita, Kansas, and gave me a job and changed changed my life, basically. Because from there, then that led to improv comedy in Manhattan, which led to the Daily Show and all this other stuff, and it probably got me on the TED stage, right? So that guy inspires me. I'm forever thankful. Okay, what was the next question? What experiences? What experiences? Now I'll get personal right off the bat, Nick. Uh, and I did this in a one-person show, so it's out there. But I was the youngest of six kids, and my dad and my mom grew up in small farm towns in Kansas, and it was the 50s. And they got married, had kids, like good Catholic kids are supposed to do. And somewhere in that relationship, my dad in the 70s started to happen. My dad accepts that he's at least bisexual or gay. And so I found out I got that confirmed when I was in high school. I won't bore you with all the details, but I found out my dad was like he wasn't a heterosexual guy. He was bisexual, he's having like, you know, homosexual aff affairs or relationships outside the marriage. So that was a a lot for me to handle. And as a result, there's a I'm I'm a big song guy. So there's a a song God, I think it's ever clear. I could be wrong. But there's a line in the song of like uh he's talking to his father of mine, if you're familiar with that song, father of mine. He says, Inside I will always be weird, I will always be lame, and I basically I uh I don't want my son to know all the things that have gone on with me. And so I that resonates with me. Of like I was raised by a dad who isn't your typical dad, and so that kind of informs my worldview. So my dad was very influenced by history and and current events, was a very, you know, serious guy, but was also a goof, and my background that kind of explains why I'm this this two-part person, where I'm I'm deep, I'm thoughtful, but I also I think humor and all that stuff is a way to cope and and get through, you know, stuff that's kind of a challenge. So that I would say that's a big influence on me. I think the we the the I don't I don't want to send the message that I feel weird inside. I feel good about myself, but I always feel a little like, oh, I'm I'm not your typical guy. And then what was the last one? Why do you do what you do? Why do I do what I do? That changed through life. When I started to have kids, as an actor and comedian, you're always about you, right? Very narcissistic by very nature. Your product is you, and you're, you know, promoting yourself a lot. And once you have kids, as you can appreciate, they don't give a crap. Yeah. And they're, you know, they need a good dad and uh good parents that are there. And so that was a real, it was almost like a grieving process for me to say, I'm going to let this this dream that I had of what I was going to pursue in acting and comedy die for the sake of being a better husband and a better father. And that that that's going to be more my legacy in this world. And that's a more important legacy than any, you know, Emmy or any award I could win in that professional pursuit. So why am I the person I am is because of my kids and the thankful the the stages of grieving that I went through to adjust to being more about others, especially my my family, than I was about me.

Nick Houpt: 9:49

Now, with your kids being older, are you gonna start pursuing more comedy and stuff again? Or are you good with the business world?

Bob Wiltfong: 9:56

I feel pretty good about where I'm at. A lot of it I've realized as I've gotten older, maybe it's just my perspective has changed. I think for me personally, when I was doing comedy, I was trying to get approval or love that you know, not to get too Freudian, but I think there's there's truth there for me. It was like, you're good, you're you know, we like you, you know. That that was kind of the void that I was trying to fill through that. Um like I'm okay.

Nick Houpt: 10:24

Do you think that tied in with everything with your dad and stuff being in high school? How I'm sure it was tough with kids are mean, yeah, yeah. And also, you know, you weren't in a big city or anything, right? I was in a lot of Nebraska. Yeah, so it was probably a little tough. So I I bet that's the tie-in of approval from just growing up because that and you know, I was the youngest of six kids.

Bob Wiltfong: 10:51

My my parents were overwhelmed with children. By the time they got to me, they were kind of exhausted. You know, it's just like you came home at night good, you know, that's all we need to know. And I think, you know, my dad was largely checked out. He was he was kind of I mean, he was there, he provided for the family, but he didn't come to any of like, you know, he didn't come to my baseball games, he didn't come to, you know, the stuff I was doing as a kid, which is, you know, everybody's got a busy life. I don't fault him for that. Uh, but at the same time, he wasn't there. And so I didn't feel like I got that. Like, you're good, son. I love you. We're good. You're a good person. I kind of had to find that through other outlets, I think. Yeah.

Nick Houpt: 11:32

Interesting. Now, that probably shaped the way that you parent. Were were you the dad that was at everything and stuff?

Bob Wiltfong: 11:39

I try to be. Yeah. I try to be. I like to think I am, and I I'm more than willing to let my kids know I love you, you're good, you know, I've got your back a hundred percent, you know, I've died for you. It's like there's no doubt with our kids. Yeah.

Nick Houpt: 11:57

Now, do you how if if I'm a a middle-aged guy, middle-aged dad, and I'm struggling with figuring out how to have a professional career and show up for my kids with something that you would tell that dad?

Speaker 2: 12:18

Whew.

Bob Wiltfong: 12:19

See, it's interesting because the the careers that I was pursuing, I felt like you had to make a choice. And there are people that that can balance it. But man, when you get up to high levels, I re I have a very distinct memory of being in New York and going into a taping of the Today show. And I at that time I was still on TV News, and I had aspirations to work up to that level of broadcasting, right? And I remember Katie Kirk was the host at the time, and I was watching her outside. I was thinking to myself, she has to wake up every morning at like 2 30 in the morning. On weekends, she's probably going on an assignments for national stories, she has to get to interviews for. She's making a lot of money, she's well known, but her personal life's gotta suck, you know? So I felt like, and I've for me personally, I'm like, it's really hard to do both. So much so that I'm kind of dubious when anybody says they are doing both. I'm like, uh, there's just only so many hours, right, in a day. But you know, at the same time, there are there are couples and people that seem to do it, at least from the outside. Yeah. So I I if you asked for my advice, I would say, you know, you I feel like you almost had to pick one and just go all in. And uh for me, it was like I was either gonna be a starving artist and not be married and not be a good dad, and probably get up to some level of I I felt confident I could get up to some level of if that's what I'm all about, I'm inevitably gonna reach some level of success in that industry. But I'm gonna be a miserable person, horrible human being. That that was the track I was going on. Lack of connection. Yeah, yeah. So I think that's part of the reason why you see a lot of people in Hollywood, the famous people that like are living in Malibu and try to kill themselves. You know, it's it's it's weird. What's the purpose and yeah, yeah. What am I spending all my life to try to do? Which is if it's just to be famous, that's kind of unfulfilling at one. Yeah. Yeah.

Nick Houpt: 14:28

Now, with coming on the show, what is the one thing that you want the listeners to get out of our interview together?

Bob Wiltfong: 14:40

Boy, these are deep questions, Nick. Uh, let's see. There's one thing I would want people to get out. I'm gonna lean on Morrissey again. You probably hate the Smiths. I don't know if you even know the Smith. No, no. There's probably viewers out there like, oh god, this guy's a Smith fan. But he's got another the Smiths have another song called Ask, and it's shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you want to. And coinness is nice, but coinness can stop you from saying all the things in life you want to. And so, and then the choruses ask me, ask me. And that's kind of the way I am, and that's what I would want to leave people with is my journey, my professional journey was all about removing regret from my life. Even if I failed as an actor, I was going to remove that thought in my mind, what if? And so to me, it's better to to go out and fail at something that and be bold than to you know be a little nervous about what if I fail, if it fail. Because it's better to for me personally, it's better to leave this world knowing that I I squeezed the marrow, right?

Nick Houpt: 15:58

I was actually listening to something this morning and it was talking about that, where they said struggles and failures are what make you who you are and what build that armor and help you grow through all of these challenges and stepping into that version of yourself. And the guy said, No one ever gets on a podcast or on TV or writes a book saying, Yeah, that time at the beach when I was just sitting there not doing anything really molded me into getting into this person to get through everything that I have done in life. And I think that a lot of people do fail to take risks because they are afraid of failing. Yeah. And we just had a guy on here recently, and he he was talking about this, and he said, You can't screw up your life.

Bob Wiltfong: 16:53

Oh, right.

Nick Houpt: 16:54

Yeah. And you have to just go for it. Right. I had a mentor a long time ago, and he said, You want to be the person that says, I'm glad I did, not I wish I would. Oh, yeah, that's a great line, too. And so we keep talking about acting, and I don't know how much you want to get into that, but what I want to pick your brain on is what is the mental health like in pursuing comedy and acting, and I'm sure it's all over the place. I'm sure there's people that kind of had it figured out. I'm sure there were very insecure people, I'm sure there were people that were just mean.

Speaker 2: 17:37

Yeah.

Nick Houpt: 17:38

So, what what are the biggest lessons that you've learned with coming up and acting? Because you've been in multiple movies and stuff too, right? And on the daily show. My wife and I, uh, after the first time I met you, we we looked at some of the movies you were in, we watched one, and then we were like, oh, there he is. Don't blink, there he is, there he is.

Bob Wiltfong: 17:58

Yeah, yeah, you're absolutely right. The the the headline answer is the most miserable people I've ever met in my life, some of the most miserable people are people who do comedy. When I was working on a daily show, it was the Harvard of Comedy, and still is. I think they really do grill brilliant work when they're firing on all cylinders. That's a great, it's just a great show, great content. But it takes some anger and some frustration at what's going on in the world to produce that content. And Jon Stewart, when I I had very limited, you know, it wasn't like John and I went out to a bar and had drinks or anything, but he was, you know, I worked with him for a year and he was kind of my boss, so I I got a feel of him. Off camera, he's very cramudy. He's very, he's not really happy with what's going on in the world for good reason. You know, he's got reasons to be unhappy. And then on camera, he kind of turns that into jokes and is missed, you know, puts on the show of show business. But privately, he's not the most uplifting guy to hang out with because he's he sees a lot of the crap that's going on in the world. So I think there's a lot of dysfunction in the entertainment industry. I think it's because there is a lot of people who were like me looking for approval, looking for a gap in their mental stability that causes a lot of paranoia, a lot of selfish behavior, a lot of I'm gonna kick you off to the side because you're taking my spotlight type behavior. I know when I was coming out of that world into more of a a straight career pursuit of business and what I'm doing now, I remember having conversations with my wife on a much smaller kitchen island. This was before we moved into the what? And she just said, basically, you're damaged. Like I'm, you know, you're kind of damaged from that whole experience. And I remember when I was dating back when I was single, you would date, I would run into people I was dating. Very attractive. I remember one girl in college, very attractive, but she was a wounded bird. Like she had been damaged. And you know, you can't work with that. You need they need to work out themselves. You need to be happy before you can be happy with anybody else, right? And so my mind goes to that. At that point in my professional life, I was a wounded board bird. I was just I'm kind of messed up. I don't trust people. I'm still looking for a lot of approval. I'm not finding, you know, peace outside of getting applause or somebody giving me a role. So there's a reason why, you know, going back to the Malibu experience, I'm I'm specifically thinking of Owen Wilson. Tried to commit suicide. I didn't know that. Yeah. It's a few years back now. It didn't get a lot of play, but at the time it was like, oh my god, he tried to commit suicide. And he was living in Malibu at the time, and he's Owen Wilson. You know, it's like, what are you doing? But yeah, it made sense. And I I worked on the Chappelle show and Chappelle walking away from that, you know, it made sense to me too. Yeah. Like to be called crazy, this Dave Chappelle's experience, to be called crazy by a crazy industry. How do you make sense of that?

Nick Houpt: 21:21

Yeah.

Bob Wiltfong: 21:21

Yeah.

Nick Houpt: 21:22

So what kind of things did you implement to grow yourself to not be a wounded bird?

Bob Wiltfong: 21:29

Right. Still in the process, I think, right, every day, right, we're evolving and growing. I really think kids was like it was a shock treatment. It's almost like I went into rehab or something, you know, and just it was like 48 hours of hell of not being on the drug, you know. Yeah.

Nick Houpt: 21:46

You're not in control of everything. Right. Right.

Bob Wiltfong: 21:49

Right, exactly. Somebody else is more important than you, and it's good. So I think kids were the biggest thing. And you know, my wife was a my I'm really I'm of the mind that when you get married, it's a complete roll of the dice, right? Life's long, people change, even in a relationship, you never know where people are gonna go. And but I got lucky because I really married a good woman who stood by me during some really hard times. So that all helped. I think the shock therapy of having children and having to live for somebody else and really appreciating that, and also having a wife that was just like was like tugging me along to get out of it. And so, let's look at things that are different from what you're experiencing here.

Nick Houpt: 22:34

So when you're working on yourself, get married and have kids that'll fix everything.

Bob Wiltfong: 22:38

That's a main takeaway of this whole conversation. Have kids. I should write a book, probably be a bestseller. Get married, have kids.

Nick Houpt: 22:48

It'll fix everything.

Bob Wiltfong: 22:49

Oh my god. It's the worst advice ever, I think.

Nick Houpt: 22:52

But sure. So we were talking about the daily show, and Steven had a question for you regarding the daily show, so I want to make sure we get that in. Sure. Because he's my operational guy, so he's all about he's right here, he's off camera.

Bob Wiltfong: 23:05

Yeah, extremely attractive man. He's just got the world by the tail. Anyway.

Nick Houpt: 23:11

So he said, what were three things that amazed you when you came to the workflow or process of how the daily show operated on a day-to-day basis?

Bob Wiltfong: 23:25

Well, surprising things, it's just understanding the process was kind of surprising. So I only did one in-studio piece, and everything else was in the field.

Nick Houpt: 23:37

It was like You were like man on the street, right?

Bob Wiltfong: 23:39

Right, right. Okay. And every story started with the initial pitch, which I got into the habit of pitching. It wasn't every correspondent. Colbert was still a correspondent on the show when I was on there. And I don't think he pitched, but maybe he did. But I was one of the few correspondents at that time. There's only five or six of us, but the other correspondents that I knew of did not pitch stories. So it starts with a pitch. And being a former journalist, I was like, okay, I'm going to pull this story that I see from you know Tennessee or wherever. I think there's a funny element here that we could turn into a segment. Pitch the story. John and the powers that be decide which stories are worth investigating. You have a field producer that then starts, or that may not even be their their title, but they call around to see if it's even doable. And then if it's doable, the first step in the creative process is a joke meeting. Where it's just it's a designated hour of getting people in a room and you just bounce ideas off each other. And then there's one person who's writing everything down. Now all you have to do is record it and you get a transcript, but that's where the process started. So that was one surprise of like, oh, this is this is how you make the the sausage, is it starts with just a good old-fashioned hour, we're gonna just try to find funny stuff. And I've watched South Park kind of does the same thing. They're just they're in a boardroom just trying to you know, make each other laugh pretty much, squeeze something out of this rock, you know. Anyway, and then once you get that, then you start to develop a list of questions that you're going to present to the person out in the field. So the second surprise in the process was that we did not, it wasn't common practice when I was there that when you pulled up on an interview, say you you were my person I was gonna interview for the segment, that we did not, unless asked directly, we did not reveal that we were a comedy show. And so, unless you knew what you were getting yourself into, you know, it was gonna get weird real quick. You know, within two minutes, it was gonna get pretty weird. And I was surprised by that because I felt like, you know, let's be above board, and it's almost better if it's still gonna be uncomfortable for them because I'm gonna ask them questions you should never ask of another human being, but we can still have fun. And I remember there was a producer, a field producer, I would uh was traveling with him, and I told him that, yeah, I'll I'll tell people, hey, we're a comedy show. And he was just appalled. He was just like, How could you do that? That ruins everything. I'm like, I don't know if it ruins everything. So that was the second surprise. And then the third big surprise was how much time goes into the editing process that there's like review after review, change after change after change. So by the time John or any of the hosts are on set and they're introducing a story, they've seen that story like 10 or 15 times. They know where the jokes are gonna land. They've seen, I mean, if they're laughing, they've got it all out of them. But you know, part of the business of show, right, is in the studio audience and on camera, they're still acting like it's all fresh and funny. And so that was interesting to me. I was like, oh, I can see John when the studio audience is here, he's laughing. When he's in the edit bay with this, you know, one-on-one, he's quiet. And it was just like, oh, John smiled. That was a big I was like, wow, he's genuinely abused here. Anyway, so those were my three surprises.

Nick Houpt: 27:14

Okay. Now, how did you make that transition from maybe not even transition, but reinvention? I feel like you're a guy that has reinvented himself multiple times.

Bob Wiltfong: 27:26

Out of necessity a lot, yeah.

Nick Houpt: 27:28

And so what caused you to make that reinvention besides kids and and everything like that, and move into writing the BS dictionary? Yeah. Money. Money was bad.

Bob Wiltfong: 27:41

Yeah. Needed money. No, I, you know, going back to my interests, I really enjoy. I when I was in journalism, my ultimate job, that my dream job, which I still think is a pretty cool job, all things considered, would be a correspondent in 60 minutes. I thought that was like legitimately helpful broadcast journalism. And you can say whatever you want to say about their agenda, you know, in today's world, who knows? But at the heart of it, I think it's just really good, helpful journalism most of the time. So that's what I wanted to do. So I had this serious element of like wanted to, I really am a fan of history and and wanted to get thoughtful and deep with stuff. And then I had this comedic skill set that I was kind of this rare combination. I and I was, you know, that that term of unicorn, which is probably in the BS dictionary, of like, don't know exactly what to do with this guy, but it's a very unique skill set. And so when I was coming out of comedy and acting looking for a stable nine to five like business job, I was trying to figure out how can I marry these two things because it makes me uber unique, but it's also there are no job titles at say funny news guy, you know, it just doesn't happen very often. So I was trying to figure out how I can make these two ends meet. And so originally I was like PR, and then it became content creation. And some of the best ways to break through the clutter of any platform is a little bit of humor while being serious and giving the medicine, right? So that that was my kind of end. I was like, okay, I'll be a content creator and lean into the fact that I can not only be serious and in-depth and and do a one-on-one with the your thought leader, but I can also kind of do a a funny little take on something you you can post on social media and actually get people to watch. So that was that's what drove me into what I do now.

Nick Houpt: 29:36

Very cool. Yeah, and with the book, uh you guys can find his TEDx talk on YouTube and everything. We'll link everything here. Thanks. Do you want to share the story of why you wrote this book? Because I think it's so funny.

Bob Wiltfong: 29:50

Yeah, so my wife, right, she gets out of TV news, she she becomes this businesswoman. Meanwhile, I'm still this actor comedian. I don't know this world of business. And there was one day, Jill, my wife, was working from home and she was about to get on a conference call with her co-workers, and we had been talking just like everyday, you know, man and wife, husband and wife things. Then she gets on this call and she starts using terms and words I've never heard before in my life. She talks about straw man, and there's agreement on the call. I was just like, I'm amazed not only she's using these words, but there's recognition from the group of like what she's talking about. They're gonna blue sky, we're gonna get a straw man out there, we've got to get a tiger team on this thing. And she got off the phone. I was like, what the hell is that being? What are these words that you're talking about? She explained them to me, and uh I immediately thought, oh, this is pretty good material. So I started writing jokes based on that. And one of the things I did to make ends meet is I became a freelance consultant on public speaking. So part of my background, as you alluded to, and thank you for the compliment, is it somewhat, you know, I'm experienced at speaking in front of groups. So I would consult business people on public speaking, and I had a gig in Seattle, T-Mobile, while I was writing these jokes and kind of collecting new terms. And I was talking during one of the lunch breaks with one of the participants, and he said, Oh man, I've got a list of these terms. We used a T-Mobile, and I was like, Oh, really? You know, this is like widespread. This is other people that find this as rich as I do, and you're working in that world. So at that point, I said, There really should be a dictionary for this kind of stuff because nobody teaches you at business school what you know what Tiger Team is until you get out there. So at that point I said, Well, let's write a book. It'll keep me busy, it's a creative outlet. And through the process, long story short, I ended up with my co-author Tim Eto, who was a former former investigative uh unit guy for US News World Reward. So he kind of came from my same world where he liked comedy, he liked humor, but he was also like, let's get to deep stuff here. So he wanted to get origin stories, which I thought was brilliant. So in this book, it's not only the true definition of what these terms mean, it's about 300 quote-unquote business terms, and we call them business speak terms, BS, has the true meaning. Then as a joke exercise, I wrote what it really means, the joke, the BS meaning of it is what it is, for example. And then Tim and I combined to give you the origin story of who the hell said this for the first time and why did this start to take off. So, like I'm we're still collecting terms for another book, which may or may not happen, who knows where life takes us. But I was just introduced to a new term last week called dink. Dink. Do you know what dink means? I don't. Double income, no kids. So if you're if you're a professional says, I want to be a dink, that's what that means. I don't want to have kids, I want to marry somebody with dual income, we live a nice life, no kids. So anyway, as soon as I hear words like that, it's like, if that's being, you know, shared and nobody's defining what it is, in the business world, it hurts your credibility sometimes to go, I'm sorry, I don't know what dink means. They just all smile and nod through it, you know. So I was like, I'm gonna be that person that's gonna raise your hand and go, I don't what the hell is dink meaning and why are we saying dink?

Nick Houpt: 33:28

You know, that's my role now. Interesting. Hey, sorry for the interruption. I hope you are enjoying this episode. If you want to live a life well balanced, be sure to pick up our book, Tilting the Balance, a guided workbook for clarity, purpose, and transformation. Available at tiltingthebalance.com. Now, back to your episode. Yeah. Because you said boil the ocean, and I'm like, boy, boil the ocean. I don't know what that means. Oh wow, that's in the book. And I I was scrolling through the book looking at different stuff. Yak shaving. Yeah, yak shaving. I was like, I do that all the time. Yeah, yak shaving.

Bob Wiltfong: 34:04

Yak shaving was a desperate attempt from a guy to make a term that had some traction and he successfully did it.

Nick Houpt: 34:10

I'm like, I feel like all I do is small tasks to get big things done. And that's basically what tilting the balance, our book, is about is like take the big task and turn it into small tasks. Yes. So we're just gonna change it to yak shaving.

Bob Wiltfong: 34:23

Yes, yak shaving, and there's also the term of like eat an elephant one bite at a time kind of falls in the same category. Interesting.

Nick Houpt: 34:30

Uh this is so funny. And you shared with me the the possible new book that you were working on, the comedy style of getting out of life or death situations with business talk. Yeah, I'm excited about that. And do you want to talk about that?

Bob Wiltfong: 34:46

Sure, sure. You know, through the power of AI, what we're doing too is using AI to create images that match these worst-case scenarios. You know those those books or calendar pages where it's like how to survive when your car goes in the river? You know, it's those type of like worst-case scenarios. And we thought it'd be funny to apply those to business situations and how you can use BS to get yourself out of these situations. So, like one of the scenarios that, and I I was just like, okay, let's make it basic and then let's just go to absurd levels. And I think one of the scenarios that we were investigating is like, how do you uh hide your identity when living in Thailand and trying to evade taxes or something? And so I put that into Chat GBT and they created an image, and now I've got an image that inspires it. So I'm like, oh, I can make a bunch of funny jokes about how this person is using BS to hide their identity, and then I've got this great image that I could I'd have to pay a lot of money for somebody to create. Yeah, and that that's it's it's really fun to do. So that's that's where we're going right now with the book.

Nick Houpt: 35:49

That's yeah, I love it. Yeah, I let's talk about storytelling. Sure. Because you're a content creator, you have written a book, you're working on the new book, you have taught people public speaking. If I'm someone that is scared of public speaking, let's say I am a 32-year-old woman that is getting into the business world and has to start speaking publicly. What are three things that you would tell them of this is what you do?

Bob Wiltfong: 36:30

The first thing would be welcome to the club. Everybody's everybody's scared of it. Even people have been doing it for a while. It's it's there's a fascinating psychology to me of being seated, you and I talking, and let's say you have to walk 10 feet to get on a stage and talk in front of a crowd of a hundred, your whole demeanor changes in that 10 feet. And there's the psychology of why that's so intimidating, why that is nerve-wracking, is fascinating to me. So that would be my first piece of advice is you are not alone. No matter what people say, if they say, Oh, I've got this, and you know, to a certain degree, if you know the content really well, you're comfortable, you're gonna be more comfortable than other people. But if you put that person in a new situation, chances are they're gonna be nervous too. So you're not alone. The two other things I would pass on to that hypothetical person are body language tricks. That there was some research in it's uh from a TED talk that was originally done by a lady when she was at Harvard. She's no longer at Harvard. I think her name's Amy Cuddy, and she was investigating what body language does for your uh chemical balance in your body before you speak. And she had one control group that was small, they would close themselves up before speaking, and then another control group that was big. They do the Wonder Man, Superman poses and spread out and stuff. And she measured their chemical, the dopamine releases in their bodies. And she said, you know, there is evidence that by being big, your body starts to fill yourself up with the chemicals that make you confident. So uh body language skill-wise, I would say just get big before you go on, before you have to go up there. See what, see what that does for you. When I work with business people, I say, even if you don't feel confident, one way you can look confident, and over time your body starts to feel confident is plant your feet shoulder width apart, your weight evenly distributed, your hands by your side. And that's where you start from. Because that is exposing your body to internal organ attack. I mean, it's it's telling the audience I have nothing to be afraid of. And it's interesting now when I look at um Trump and other world leaders, they will come out for photo shoots with that same body language. Interesting. And I and I my theory is they're coached on that, that that looks confident and very sure of yourself. The other thing I would say, whoops, sorry about the microphone there, Stephen, is uh big gestures. So from there huge. Yeah, huge huge, huge the accordion, huge, huge. Yes, so big gestures are another thing we do when we don't give a damn about being judged or we feel like we're being judged, we're usually pretty animated. When somebody cuts you off in traffic, you're getting big and animated, right? Because you've got passion and you don't give a damn. And that also cues an audience. Oh, this is a confident speaker because they're not being small, they're being big. So I talk in the business world, show me the third, you know, third quarter gap in revenue. Show it to me. Big. You know, don't be tiny. Uh that's another way to come across as really confident and comfortable in front of an audience, and you start to feel that too. So come out on stage, start flicking everybody off. Well, you know, within reason.

Nick Houpt: 39:51

Yeah, within reason. You you were talking about everyone being nervous or scared of public speaking. It it was The the studies show that more people are afraid of public speaking than dying. Yeah. Right. So they they say you'd rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy. That's a Jerry Seinfeld joke.

Bob Wiltfong: 40:11

Yeah, I'd rather I'd rather be in the casket than the guy giving the eulogy. Yeah, I love Jerry Seinfeld.

Nick Houpt: 40:16

He just his his business acumen, his comedy, everything is just so awesome.

Bob Wiltfong: 40:24

It's a craft. He applies himself to it. You ever seen the movie uh it's the documentary comedian with him? I don't think so. It's a good one. It's if you ever if you know anybody in your life who wants to be a comedian, they should watch Comedian. Okay. Because it shows Jerry Seinfeld fresh off the success of Seinfeld building a new stand-up act. Okay. And you see him making the hot dog, right? So he comes up on stage with ideas on a paper. And you watch the evolution over a year of him going from that to playing in front of a thousand people and killing it. Huh. It's it's a very good documentary.

Nick Houpt: 41:00

So uh coming back to storytelling, yeah. What what can people do to be a better storyteller?

Bob Wiltfong: 41:07

I would think practice, practice, practice, right? One of the analogies I use when I work with business people about this is Michael Jordan came out of the womb predisposed to be a better basketball player than you and I. But he practiced at it and then he became Michael Jordan. If you're you can not really have all the tools to be a great speaker, but if you keep working at it, you're gonna get better. And so practice, practice, practice would be my first tip on that. And then there's an adage in acting, which I think is very helpful that's the back end of practice, practice, practice, that when you get up on the stage, then forget everything. And the idea is when you audition, you're rehearsing your scripts, you're rehearsing your lines, but then when you walk into the audition, you're soaking in what the room's giving you, you're open to what the moment presents itself, and you're trying to forget everything and just be that person in that scene. And I think that's the same thing ideally with speaking, is you know what you're going to say, you have your your talking points, you know what you want to do, but you've got to let that all take a backseat to what you feel like the audience wants to talk about and and how you can serve them rather than serve yourself up there.

Nick Houpt: 42:18

And I think some of the best speeches that are out there have been from people going off cuff. Yeah. Because they just read the audience, had a thought, yeah, and then they went with it. And I think that builds a lot more connection too. Right. Because you don't want to walk up there and be a robot. Right. And it's I I've been doing a lot of speaker training and everything because I've I've stepped out to to speak and everything as well. And so what I've read and listened to and learned is don't just memorize your talk word for word, because then you're gonna get up there and you're gonna sound like you just memorize the talk word for word.

Bob Wiltfong: 43:02

It isn't human, it isn't touchable.

Nick Houpt: 43:04

It it lacks that connection and that authenticity if you're just right reading from a teleprompter in your mind.

Bob Wiltfong: 43:12

That TED talk that I did was all that was all heavily memorized, right, too?

Speaker 2: 43:16

Yeah.

Bob Wiltfong: 43:17

And I had certain things I had to hit, but I'm also if I'm doing my job well, I'm also aware of what the audience is reacting to and willing to go there a little bit and then come back to my talking points.

Nick Houpt: 43:30

After I watched that, I was like, I'm gonna steal the stomp your feet thing. Oh, yeah. Because I get people to raise their hand all the time, but that's like kind of boring. And uh I watched your TED talk and I'm like, I'm gonna get people to steal it.

Bob Wiltfong: 43:42

I stole it. You know where I got it from? My wife's student council election when she was in high school. The candidate that beat her did a stomp the feet thing. Oh man. And so I was writing, I was doing, I was in Wichita, Kansas, and I was the the speaker for a very small high school graduation. And I had to write the speech, and I was like, I want to be something memorable. And Jill, my wife, told me that. I was like, oh, that's good. So I used it the high school thing. So when the Ted thing happened, I was like, I'm gonna use that again because it is a really cool way to demonstrate a point.

Nick Houpt: 44:16

And it gets your audience, they're moving. Yeah. Now they're generating energy, and now you get to feed off that energy too.

Bob Wiltfong: 44:23

Yeah, you can literally hear the power of many over the power of one. Yeah, I I loved it.

Nick Houpt: 44:27

I was I was like, man, I'm stealing that. Yeah, do it. I just did a talk last week, and I did a bunch of like energy cleanse, and I was oh yeah, I I was telling my mom about it, and because my mom actually gave a eulogy last week too, and she basically called out the family because they've been fighting so much and gave this powerful talk on we're all fighting over this stuff, and now this person passed away and they were 39 years old. Oh wow, and we're over here hating each other because of this. And so she was asking about my talk, and I was like, Well, it wasn't it wasn't like that. Right, right, right. And I said, I I had people up in their seats, and I said, I I had some some women were a little older, I didn't know if they were gonna make it because we're like bouncing and doing like energy stuff and and different things like that. And I I just am telling you that because I I think that that ties all into the feet stopping, it's just generating that energy to to feed off that energy.

Bob Wiltfong: 45:34

Yeah, there's a concept that doesn't always, you know, it doesn't always fit the content, but in general, it's good to excite the senses, right? Either through sound, touch, smell, whatever. Uh, if you can do that as a speaker, it increases the odds of people remembering and and finding your stuff really engaging. Yeah. So that's an example. You're just getting people up and exciting the senses. Yeah.

Nick Houpt: 45:56

I did I did a thing where I started and I just had everyone going like this.

Bob Wiltfong: 45:59

Oh, cool. Yeah, for rain.

Nick Houpt: 46:01

Did you do rain? I didn't do rain, but what's it's like the idea is that this is rain on a tin roof?

Bob Wiltfong: 46:08

Something like that, a little, and then it becomes rain. Okay. That's an improv thing. And then thunder. Right, right. Heavy rain, and then you wind it back down to the rain dies. I might tie it in like that.

Nick Houpt: 46:23

This is actually a qi gong thing for generating energy. Cool. And so that's why I had them start like this, and you can feel it tingling. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna steal the rain thing.

Bob Wiltfong: 46:32

Yeah, the rain thing is cool. I'm sure there's good YouTube videos and demonstrations of it. Yeah, I'll have to check that out.

Nick Houpt: 46:38

Yeah. So I I want to touch on a couple other things, but before we we have to wrap up. Okay. With everything we've talked about, being uh a husband, a father, a business person, a comedian, you have lived a well-rounded life, and and I want to ask you, with all of the experiences that you've had, what do you define a life well balanced as?

Bob Wiltfong: 47:06

A life well-balanced goes back to the remove the regret that there is that it's the fear of not doing overwhelms the fear of failure, basically. That you know, life is short, dude. And so why not be who you are and go for what you like to do? And I think there's a reason why when we get older, you know, the grandma or grandpa starts to say stuff that's like, wow, this guy does not give a damn anymore.

Speaker 2: 47:36

Unfiltered.

Bob Wiltfong: 47:37

And I think that they're part of the theory, maybe they're getting to the end of the life, and it's like, I don't give a shit anymore. Why not? So yeah, why not be myself and and tell my truth while I'm here? Because it all goes away. It all goes away. I I'm sorry, Nick. What was the original question?

Nick Houpt: 47:53

What is your definition of a life well balanced?

Bob Wiltfong: 47:56

A life well balanced is that pursuing life with with vigor, the carpe diem, that suck the marrow from life, which is Dead Poet Society type of references. If you're familiar with that movie, I watched that not that long ago. Yeah, I love that movie. Yeah, it's a good one. So that to me is a a life well balanced is sucking the marrow. And I think just there's a saying that's been said a million different ways, but it it comes down to life is more about what you leave behind than what you gather. And I think that's a life well balance. When you're when you're looking at your day and you're saying, I've left things better than what I took things from. The Beatles had that famous last line of like, in the end, the love we take is the same to the love we make, or some vice versa. You know, I think there's something to that. So that to me would be a life well balance.

Nick Houpt: 48:51

That's good. Now, with everything we've talked about, is there something we haven't covered that you want to share? Well, I want to hear more about you, Nick. Oh no, this isn't about me. Uh let's see. You have to start a podcast and then bring me on. Yeah, yeah.

Bob Wiltfong: 49:06

I'd be more than happy to do it. I've thought about it, but it's a lot of work, man. This is a commitment to get guests all the time and keep you know feeding the machine, the content machine. I just keep Olivia booked and then I just keep I keep meeting good people. Well, there you go. Right. Fight it through Olivia. Yeah. No, I think you know, I could we could talk for days, but I think we've we've touched on some really good stuff. And thanks for your thoughtful questions. I thought your questions are really good.

Nick Houpt: 49:31

Oh, I appreciate it.

Bob Wiltfong: 49:32

And I've not blown smoke. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you.

Nick Houpt: 49:35

Now, where can people find you?

Bob Wiltfong: 49:38

Uh, they can find me. I live in Ponta Vidra, Florida. They could knock on my door, they could find me easily through Google Maps and Google Earth.

Nick Houpt: 49:46

It's funny, the first time, Zara to interrupt you, the first time we came to your house when Olivia was doing doing um photos for you around Christmas time. You guys had your house decorated. I'm like, man, this guy has some big balls. Because you have these giant balls outside. Yeah, yeah.

Bob Wiltfong: 50:04

That's very true. My wife takes a lot of pride in the big balls. Your wife has some big balls. Oh, she has huge balls. And she and she got more balls this holiday season. She wasn't, she can't have enough balls. Yeah, that's very true, very true. Where can they find me? LinkedIn is probably my most active uh social media place on you know that I actually go to and try to post every once in a while. So that's a probably a good place to find me. The the TED talk is on TED.com. Uh you can also just Google it, you know, BS or BusinessSpeak and my last name will isn't very common, so you can find that. So those are a good place to find me. Are you still doing coaching for public speaking and stuff too? Yes and no. I've got a full-time job now. So I've you know, I told, you know, in that world it's all freelance, and I told my regular people that booked me, I said, I'm out. I just can't do it anymore. So unless my full-time commitment changes, I'm I'm paused. But if if I lose my job tomorrow, one of the first people I'm calling is some of those people I can work for.

Nick Houpt: 51:11

Yeah. So we are coming down to the end here. Okay. So we'll never talk again. We'll no, I think we'll talk more. I think we'll get together more often. Yes. I know we both have had just a lot of stuff going on in life and making some changes, and your kids are getting older. My kids just came in to the world. Oh my gosh. Uh are you tired? You gotta be tired. I am tired. Yes. That's why I have magic mind over here. Yeah, yeah.

Bob Wiltfong: 51:41

How old? How old is your youngest now? She's two and a half.

Nick Houpt: 51:44

Okay. So we have two and a half, sixteen, nineteen. Okay. And so mine are older two. Yeah, yeah. But then you have the two and a half year old. So I was telling Steven, we finally, Olivia and I went into a deep sleep last night. It was the first time in a long time. The two and a half year old sleeps in bed with us. We can't get her in her own room. Wow. But we finally were in a deep sleep, and then at 12:30, our smoke detector decided the battery was done. So 12:30 in the morning, I uh have a stepladder trying to figure out because that's what you're supposed to do as a guy.

Bob Wiltfong: 52:22

Yeah. That's what we were screwed. Yeah. These are things, quick aside, I had the same experience where it's like all of a sudden, I guess this is my default job. We had a skunk that got caught in a window well. Oh man. A very deep window well when we lived in the burps of Chicago. And I don't want to touch this thing. I don't want to go down there. But who else is supposed to do it? Yeah. It's me. You're supposed to check the fire alarm. I'm supposed to check on the skunk because we're the guys. That's what we do. Yeah. And you know, whatever. So it is what it is. Yeah, yeah.

Nick Houpt: 52:57

So I'm glad you got at least some deep sleep and so we we got a little bit, but we don't we don't get too too much sleep. And and Olivia with her back and everything, but she's getting better. Good. So but yeah, so now coming into the end, yes. We do what we call is a speed round. Okay. Speed round. It's called balanced or unbalanced. Okay. So I'm gonna ask you a question. You're gonna tell me if it is balanced or unbalanced. Okay. If you want to elaborate more, you can. If we want to keep moving, that's totally fine too. Okay. All right. Let's go. Are you ready? Balanced or unbalanced, prioritizing clarity over popularity. It's balanced. Balanced or unbalanced. Calling out BS even when it makes people uncomfortable.

Bob Wiltfong: 53:44

That is balanced big time.

Nick Houpt: 53:46

Letting go of titles that once mattered to you. Balanced. Letting your children see your failures. Balanced. Capital letters. Staying competitive as a personality trait.

Speaker 2: 54:01

Hmm.

Nick Houpt: 54:03

I thought when I saw that one, I was like, he's gonna like it.

Bob Wiltfong: 54:06

I'm Switzerland on that one. Okay. I think there's some good stuff. There's some balance with being competitive, but there's also some there's a saying of prepare, don't compare.

Nick Houpt: 54:15

Okay.

Bob Wiltfong: 54:16

So that's the danger of competitiveness. Prepare, don't compare. Yeah. Keep your head down, work on yourself. All the other stuff takes care of itself.

Nick Houpt: 54:24

Mm-hmm. Knowledge bombs at the end here. Yeah. Balanced or unbalanced, seeking relevance after a major career chapter.

Bob Wiltfong: 54:33

Boy, these are tough ones here. Because relevance, like what how do you define relevance? I mean, that's up to your responsibility. Right, right. So I'll say my first instinct is relevance means look at me. So I'm gonna say it's unbalanced. Unbalanced.

Nick Houpt: 54:45

Yeah. Laughing at things that are actually painful.

Bob Wiltfong: 54:49

I think that's balanced.

Nick Houpt: 54:51

I think so too. It made me that question made me think of my uncle passed away a few years ago. Yeah and randomly on a ski trip.

Bob Wiltfong: 54:58

Yeah.

Nick Houpt: 54:59

Like a Sonny Bono kind of thing. And I was at his funeral, and one of his friends that was with him on the ski trip, my dad came and introduced me, and I said, You're the guy that killed him. And he the guy like went white and he's like, Oh wow. Oh yeah, this is your son. And he was like kind of upset, and I felt so bad after, but I'm like, Yeah, that's just kind of how I was coping with stuff. Yeah, yeah. You know, life's too short. It's too short, man. You know, yeah, yeah. Balanced or unbalanced, letting one talk define a chapter of your life. That is unbalanced. Bringing comedy into everyday conversation.

Bob Wiltfong: 55:37

I would say excuse towards unbalanced. Unbalanced really? Yeah, I think I think some comedy meaning I've got to be on. That's the way I define it. And to me, it's like, hey, you don't have to be on. Yeah. I was watching a documentary about Chevy Chase last night. Love, everything Saturday Live, all that stuff. And he, and that was he's constantly kind of making jokes. And even his loved ones were saying that's his coping. He, you know, it's it's like a mask. Yeah, it's a mask. It's impressive when you can just like you don't have to tell the joke. Yeah. So that's the way I interpret that. Okay. Yeah.

Nick Houpt: 56:13

I didn't even think about it like that. So that's interesting. Yeah. Balanced or unbalanced, coming on the Life Well Balanced Podcast. Oh my God. Balanced. Yes. Awesome. Awesome. This has been amazing. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming out. Thank you, Nick. I appreciate it. Yeah, likewise.

Bob Wiltfong: 56:31

Um, it's been fun. Yeah, super fun. Yeah. Very thoughtful. I I've enjoyed the conversation. Same.

Nick Houpt: 56:37

I truly appreciate it. Yeah. Thank you very much for coming out.

Bob Wiltfong: 56:41

Thank you, Nick.

Nick Houpt: 56:47

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